Dependable President Trump

There has been several news stories lately about the amount of extra money that has gone into the travel budget for President Trump.  In the spirit of the ole cloak and dagger, black ops mentality, that permeates the Trump presidency.  They have refused to disclose what all this extra money is being sent on.  However, here at the Wrong Hole Blog we have insider sources extremely close to the President himself, i.e., nursing staff who have leaked to us the exact nature of these extra expenses.

                As we all know President Trump is the oldest elected president in the history or the U.S., and even though he claims a fortune of billions, he cannot escape the slow and embarrassing march to the grave.  This includes his loss of bowel control.  Now this happens to lots of people as a natural part of the aging process and is nothing to be ashamed of, but in classic Trump brand style the President has really went over the top when it comes to taking care of this need. And this is where the added expense comes in.

                President Trump must have his Depends Adult diapers made to order for the Midas addicted Real Estate mogul.  All of his diapers come in the color gold but that is just the beginning.  He has the elastic waist band embossed with the Presidential Seal and then each separate pair is hand crafted with the wording of his choice. 

                Some of Trump’s favorite decals for the back panel of his diapers include the first amendment to the constitution: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”  These are usually his early morning diapers, the ones he wears while tweeting at 3am.  They are not his only custom style.  He also has different pairs that include the 3rd through the 10th amendments.  Our sources also say that on April 15th he exclusively wore the diapers with the 16th amendment on them.   We have also been told that he ordered his staff to have his next order of Depends include the Declaration of Independence, and many parts of the Constitution.

                The front panel of all his custom Depends are the same.  Just pictures of naked, under-age Russian prostitutes.  With a prostrate his size (It’s Yuge), he needs to use anything that helps him be able to go. 

                Now if we could just find a way that was as effective at containing the shit coming out of his mouth, the entire world would be a much safer place.